THE LAST RIVER MILE

I am not a great listener. Too often when I should be hearing another person I’m too busy thinking about what I’m going to say in response, what advice I’m going to give, or what point I’m gearing up to make. I wish I was the exception, but it seems I am more the rule in the culture in which I live, unfortunately. Listening, really listening doesn’t seem to be a high priority right now, as we fire memes and messages at each other like heat-seeking missiles.

When we fail to listen deeply to each other, we create a firewall that disallows actually hearing one another. I listen to what another person says, I read a quote from somebody, or observe something in another person, and immediately I tell myself a carefully constructed narrative that becomes the context for that individual. (In the narrative, I am usually the “hero” and the other person is the “villain.”) I see a lot of that going on at all levels of human exchange. We are in a season of communication “armed encampments.”

Some voices are countering all this. One such voice is found in a streaming series popular a few years ago – “Ted Lasso.” Quoting or paraphrasing Walt Whitman, Ted Lasso says, “Be curious, not judgmental.” Curiosity about another human being requires question-asking, and the gathering of further information. Judgment cuts off information flow, and can cause us to act without all the information needed. Drawing from Oswald Chambers’ MY UTMOST FOR HIS HIGHEST, a friend of ours from our church recently noted that in any situation involving other people, I do not have all the information that is available. Open-ended questions invite conversation….”Can you say more about that?”…”Can you tell me what led you to what you believe”…”Can you help me understand more about that?”

We Jesus-followers are fond of quoting statements Jesus made. Sometimes we overlook the number of times Jesus asked powerful questions and then listened. To really listen to another human being is to honor that person.

Contrary to current belief, or at least current practice, listening does not equate to agreement. It’s not about compromising. Somethings are right, and some things are wrong. And listening, particularly to those with whom we disagree, is not an excuse not to act when needed. Again, for followers of Jesus, we are required to stand in the gap for persons who are endangered, devalued, or disenfranchised. Listening is not an act of betrayal or compliance. It’s not a dichotomy of either listen or oppose. More often it’s the delicate, precarious dance of both.

Regardless, in human interaction, good questions gain further ground than pronouncements. And, regarding questions, Henri Nouwen made a helpful observation: “When we consider how much our educational, political, religious, and even social lives are geared to finding answers to questions born of fear, it is not hard to understand why a message of love has little chance of being heard. Fearful questions never lead to love-filled answers.” As always, fear shuts down listening and connection. Love opens them up.

So I need to be a better listener. Hold me accountable to that.

I’ll see you around the next bend in the river.